The Dathomiri Reuben Incident
Word Count: 799
Location: ISD *Redacted*, Time & Date: *Redacted*
Finally, the overnight shift transfer had gone through. Oftentimes the quietest duty on the otherwise bustling Star Destroyer for the crewman assigned to quartermaster's duties. Swaggalicious has finally found himself in a place where he could get away with coasting on this duty station. Ever since being sent to this backwater world, there had been few pleasures in the somewhat portly crewman's life. Getting off of maintenance duty was the best thing to happen to the "hero" of this here story. But all of that was about to change.
Finishing up a routine inspection of a case of thermal detonators, Swaggalicious felt the not too unfamiliar roil of his stomach. You see, ever since he was a portly teenager, young Donahue had a knack for eating things that did not agree with his stomach— be they a conflict of type, or just mass. A love for food was never curbed by his body's lack of ability to handle it. This was a fact that had not changed over the years, some might say it's ingrained in his very being.
With hand on his stomach, Swaggalicious exited the armory, with a report in hand for his commanding officer. That was not the only thing he brought with him, as moments after handing over the datapad, three pops followed from behind the crewman. Not a word was shared between the two men, only a sneer that was soon to be covered by a free hand from the officer, and the quick to move legs of Swaggalicious starting their way to the nearest refresher. It had been a preview of upcoming events, one that was urgently set in motion by a feeling of impending doom should our hero not make it in time. For the sake of this report, we can say that Swaggalicious did, indeed, make it to the refresher with minimal to no further incidents that were reported along the way.
Upon taking care of urgent business, it was at the point that Swaggalicious stood up that something had been made clear. While human waste often was referred to by colorful names, it was not supposed to be moving, let alone peering back to you with several eyes. A shrill scream rang out, echoed throughout the refresher as Swaggalicious pounded the release button. The scream that followed came from the entity that had been birthed from the crewman, the unknown biologic soon finding itself a new home in the extraction pipes— one it could be heard thrashing through during its expulsion from the current location.
Naturally, one's next thought would be how they could have gotten such a thing inside of them in the first place. Sure, Swagg could eat nearly anything— and did, if it was unattended. Nothing came to mind in recent days, but he did recall the mystery "meat" reuben sandwich that a fellow crewman offered him an extra meal ration to try as a bet. All he had been told was that it was from a creature based on the planet of Dathomir, having no idea this was a cruel joke to get him to incubate some parasitic youth. A 'gift' from one of the native tribes that had been brought aboard as contraband, a hidden example of why you don't take food from strangers.
Exiting the refresher, the clanging got louder from the hole. Instead of looking back, he went to shut the door. At that moment, the Star Destroyer shook violently, emergency alarms blaring through the halls. From the refresher itself came an explosion from the rumbling, followed by the intense vacuum that came from the presence of a hull breach. Swagg was knocked forward off of his feet, and began to be violently sucked in when the door closed, sealing off the breach. Catching his breath, and noticing all the chaos around him, Swaggalicious could only help but recall one piece of information from his preparation for his job as crewman.
Thermal detonators are to be stored with the arming pin up, not down.
When the Empire got the ship to dry dock, that particular Star Destroyer was moored for five months repairing the damages. Investigators from the Imperial Security Bureau still classify it as a "freak" anomaly that something from the waste extraction system caused the explosion and decompression of several decks— but we really know what happened. As for Swaggalicious? Man seemed to have disappeared before a proper interview could be done to his whereabouts at the time of the incident, leaving officials to believe he went up in the backdraft of the explosion. We know better though, because no explosion is going to keep Swagg down. Even of the exhaust port variety.