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Iggy's Tale

It had been a long day for the pilots of Renegade Wing. The patrols, the current 'regular' activity for the pilots of the Vigilant had been long and uneventful. As was common due to their speed, the Corsair pilots had made it to the hangar first; and quickly found their way to the SSD to enjoy some drinks before it was time to turn in for the night. Two rounds into the evening, Wolf suggested they play a game. They would each share a true story from their past - whoever had the best story would get a drink from the other participants. With a quick agreement from the others, Wolf launched into a tale that pulled quite a few chuckles out from the other members of the group. Gremlin went next, followed by Knight. As time passed and the pilots had enjoyed more of their favorite beverages, the stories got funnier.

As Talon finished up his story, a slightly embellished retelling of his first time inside the cockpit of a Z-95 Headhunter at the training academy, Iggy walked over the group.

"I wonder if I might participate in your little game?" Iggy said to the group.

The four Corsair pilots looked at him with surprise.

"Umm... I'm not sure." Knight said.

"Very well, if one of you is declared the winner, I will give you all a drink on the house." Iggy said with a slight hint of frustration in his voice.

"Well if you put it that way, pull up a stool." Wolf said with a grin.

"It all happened about two years ago." Iggy began, "Jalb_K, Krayt, and Hellcat were all members of Rogue Squadron, Stryker was their CO. Renegade Wing had been on a run that year. In the space of three weeks, with some backup from the Liberty, they had destroyed one ISD and its whole fighter compliment, and severely disabled two others.

Well, there was this Imperial scientist and tactician who had developed the "perfect" poison. Untraceable, undetectable - and the person did not fall ill for seventy-two hours. Some Colonel over in Imperial Intelligence, decided to use it as a master stroke against the might of the Rebel Alliance military - their Starfighter Corps.

We haven't yet figure out how they did it, but they managed to duplicate me. At least, from a visual, sound, and vocal intonation perspective. They snuck the imposter aboard the Liberty; why they didn't use the knowledge of our location to launch an attack is beyond me.

A few days later, I was getting prepared for the evening rush when the exquisite machine walked into my bar. I was walking over to greet the well-crafted gentlemen when he stuck out an electric prong and shocked me senseless. The last thing my memory bank registered was a requirement to seek the device out for my very own. I was apparently stuffed into a broom closet, and the imposter began serving drinks at my bar!"

The four Corsairs were startled at the amount of anger that came across the droid's voice.

"I'm unsure if you all have ever met Hellcat, he was known for a certain amount of mischievousness that tended to keep everyone on their toes. A new shuttle of recruits had come in that day, and as was custom everyone was going to greet them at the bar. Hellcat, hoping to "warmly welcome" them convince our new recruits that everyone wore Pi..." Iggy paused and tried to get the words out again. "Pi..."

"Pink?" Talon asked helpfully.

Iggy looked at him quickly and stared as if he was restraining a violent impulse.

"Yes... That color. They all wore..." he said, getting it out this time... "pink neckties to the bar. I'm sure Hellcat thought it would have been the perfect welcome to the Wing." Iggy said.

"Well, Colonel Stryker and Rogue Squadron were the next ones in. As I understand it, he had ordered his drink and was about to take the first sip when he noticed the neckties. He immediately ordered everyone to put down their drinks, pulled out his sidearm, and shot the imposter in the head three times." Iggy punctuated this part of his story with a decent replication of the sound of Stryker's sidearm.

"How I wish I could have seen it."

"Luckily for the new recruits, either our doctors were better than their scientists, or the poison wasn't as undetectable as they had hoped. After a few days throwing up in med bay, the four recruits were able to return to their duties. A search of the imposter's programming yielded a boastful file from the Imperial Intelligence Colonel claiming credit for the attack. With this information, word was spread across the Rebel Alliance fleet, and security was tipped off. They found ten more duplicate droids before the Imperials finally abandoned the plan."

"And that's how a quirk in my programming saved Renegade Wing from total destruction." Iggy finished' his voice triumphant. "Hmmm..." The pilots looked at each other.

"Can you clear up a few things for me?" asked Knight.

"Sure, if they haven't been redacted for security purposes." Iggy replied.

"How long did it take you to be found?" Knight asked.

"Just an hour or two. Could you imagine Colonel Stryker without a well-prepared Ion Sucker in the evening?" Iggy replied.

"Now... hold up. Iggy, this happened on the Liberty?" Talon asked.

"Yes Sir." Iggy said quickly.

"And you were on the Liberty at Endor?" Talon pushed his line of questioning further.

"Of course, Sir." Iggy said again.

"Well then I think you are disqualified, and you owe all of us a drink." Talon said with a smile on his face.

"Why am I disqualified?" Iggy asked.

"One of the rules is that the story had to be true." Gremlin said with a smile, imagining her next free warm Zeltron Spiced Wine.

At that exact moment, a small serving droid wheeled into the room bearing a drink for another customer. Adorning the drink, sat a pink drink umbrella.

In an instant, Iggy was there. His electro stunning attachment blazing. As he connected to the umbrella, the power of the shock burned the umbrella, broke the drinking glass, and knocked the poor serving droid flat on the ground.

"There will be NO PINK... anything... served on my watch." Iggy yelled as the frightened droid wheeled out of the room screeching.

"Nothing to see here, you can all go back to your drinks." Iggy said to the room, which filled again with the normal hum of conversation.

"But weren't you destroyed along with the Liberty?" Gremlin asked, slightly unnerved at the violence displayed against the tiny umbrella.

"It's a good thing the Empire had built a spare body for me isn't it?" Iggy asked as he walked back over.

"One of the first things Stryker ordered after we were assigned to the Vigilant is have this body loaded with my original code base. I've been happily serving drinks at the SSD since then."

As further proof, Iggy then showed them a small imperial bar code on his arm.

"Imperials do like to keep track of everything." Talon said with the sigh.

As the image of Iggy assaulting the new recruits in such a manner as the droid went through his head, Talon decided that Iggy had won. He tossed Iggy a small coin.

"Get yourself a hot oil."

The other three Corsairs flipped him a coin as well, and Iggy went back to the bar, looking forward to his hot oil, on the Renegades for once.